Dysgraphia & Dyspraxia
Early Childhood
Ryan was diagnosed by school professionals with Dysgraphia in 1st grade. Ryan is ambidextrous and does not have a dominant hand. He took a long time to figure out which hand he was going to write with. His brain also had some left/right coordination issues. Some examples are that he began reading from right to left in early elementary school (which took time to overcome) and he has great difficulty with spelling and memorizing vocabulary lists. He also has physical coordination issues related to Dysgraphia and Dyspraxia.
Ryan's handwriting is so illegible that even Ryan can't read his own handwriting. His hand would cramp and he would hold his pencil with an awkward grip. He would also sit weird in the seat to achieve a comfortable position in which to write. Ryan was so academically delayed that he needed to repeat the 1st grade. It would take a substantial amount of time for Ryan to produce a legible writing sample of just two sentences and he would become very frustrated. It was impossible for him to take notes in class or keep up with his class work. Between his own feelings about not being able to do what everyone around him was doing, his not wanting to look stupid in front of his peers, and reacting to the pressures from both peers and adults - Ryan would break down crying in the classroom.
In 3rd grade, Ryan's school district had their standardized exams invalidated for "excessive erasures". The state accused the district of cheating by perhaps having adults changing wrong answers on the exams. Ryan's was one of the exams that they said had excessive erasures. It is a tell-tale sign of Dysgraphia and something that occurs in children with this type of disability. As they tend to have difficulty in pulling information back out of their memory. So they select an answer and as they continue to process their thoughts, they realize that they had selected the wrong answer. So they erase the first answer and correct it. Children with Dysgraphia are very intelligent and have the answers. It is more an issue of where that knowledge is stored and how to get it back out. Amazingly though, the State of Colorado told Ryan's mother that "3rd graders don't erase answers" so therefore her son had to have been cheating and/or some adults had to have cheated by correcting his exam before sending it in. They didn't want to listen and they sure had no knowledge or understanding about this kind of disability. In Colorado, the school district's funding at the time was partly determined by how the students performed on these tests. That really didn't help how Ryan was viewed by some adults at his school. There is nothing worse than a child being viewed as "a problem".
Much of the elementary experience was challenging because teachers and administrators did not understand the disability. It was easier to believe that Ryan was choosing to be messy, sloppy, or that he was being defiant and was not trying. So as teachers would often press him and treat him like HE was the problem, Ryan would become frustrated, and then Ryan would get emotional in the classroom. The lack of empathy or basic understanding from the adult in the classroom would directly impact how his peers would treat him. The teachers could have and should have helped build ground for Ryan to stand on with his peers. Instead, Ryan's issues with most teachers would only help isolate him more with his peers. The children were bullying Ryan with regular frequency. Even a couple of Teachers were bullying Ryan. The school would always say the problem was Ryan and that no one was doing anything to him, and it was all in his head. The school's denial about the bullying would create adversarial situations because no parent is going to sit by while their child has belongings being stolen from them at school, is coming home with bruises on their body from physical assaults by peers while at school, and they are legitimately being bullied at school. There is a big difference between perception and actual things happening to a child. Theft and Bruises are no longer bullying - they are a crime.
It is truly sad when you have to fight an establishment that doesn't want to believe what is occurring within their own walls. Ryan's mom went on a field trip with Ryan to the zoo and one of the bullies was punching another boy right in front of Ryan's mom on the bus. Being a responsible parent, Ryan's mom told the boy he needed to stop and change his behavior. The next day the kids went on a field trip to the fish hatchery. That bully took a fishing pole that the fish hatchery gave to each of the kids away from Ryan. He pulled all the line out into a big wadded mess, broke the pole in half, and handed it back to Ryan - saying "here - that's what you get for that 'B---- of a Mom' of yours saying something to me yesterday". But Ryan wasn't being bullied at school, they don't have a culture problem at that school, and nothing was said or done about either incident. This school district was so bad that parents were willing to drive 30-40 miles one-way or down to the county line each morning & afternoon to meet a school bus for one of the neighboring school districts just to escape what was happening. There was a mass exodus of families.
After 5 very frustrating years, Ryan's family ended up moving to a different school district in order to get the educational supports that Ryan needed and a more supportive environment for Ryan. It was after this move that Ryan was first given a computer to type his written assignments. One would think that this would really help since he couldn't write. The problem was that his typing speed was not much faster than his handwriting. The only advantage was that at least the teacher could read what he had written. In hindsight, they should have focused more on his keyboarding skills and abandoned trying to make him write much earlier (like in 2nd grade) when his handwriting was identified as not progressing.
Once at the new school district and he was typing, the memory and processing issues became a lot more noticeable. Ryan had a lot of difficulty memorizing vocabulary lists. He had great difficulty trying to organize his thoughts. A teacher could provide an outline for a writing assignment and Ryan would take a lot of time to decide where to start and how to organize his information.
The writing process is harder and slower for people with Dysgraphia. On average his school work was taking 4 times as long as one of his non-disabled peers to complete to the same level and quality of work. Ryan was obsessive about creating masterpieces because he is driven by receiving high grades. Could he have put in less effort and not worked as hard? Sure. But he wouldn't have received the kind of grade he wanted to earn and he likely wouldn't have been happy skating by, just to finish the work and pass the class. That's not who He is. Kids with Dysgraphia are normally very intelligent - they just need a way to be able to demonstrate that they have learned and mastered the knowledge.
The fine motor issues associated with Dysgraphia did not affect just Ryan's handwriting. Ryan has difficulty coloring, drawing, tracing, reproducing shapes, using scissors, glueing things, assembling things...just about anything that requires him to use his hands is going to be slow and challenging for him. Buttons, shoe laces, cutting food, and all kinds of things that most people take for granted because they are easy to do.
Some of Ryan's more significant challenges in elementary school:
Foreign Language ended up being...well, really foreign. It was pretty much impossible for Ryan to grasp Spanish or French. Ryan spent from 3-5th grade trying to learn Spanish. And he took French in 6th and 7th grade. You cannot take someone who is having language processing issues in English and possibly expect them to learn and use a different language. The syntax was very challenging and so was all of the vocabulary and definitions that they wanted memorized. Ryan simply did not have the ability to learn a foreign language. He made legitimate attempts and there was nothing that was going to make him successful.
Cursive was another flash point that happened at school. If he can't make legible handwriting in print, what on earth would make a teacher think he could do cursive handwriting? Handwriting is Handwriting. We experienced a teacher who was obsessed with cursive handwriting and she was rather cruel in her treatment about Ryan's inability to write. She regularly humiliated him in class, would assign him extra homework as punishments, and she was convinced that Ryan was just being defiant. She made it a personal power struggle and there was no reasoning with this woman. It is always a shame when an educator loses focus that students are individuals.
Let's talk about shoes. Have you ever noticed that the velcro shoes aren't readily available once you reach certain sizes? Ryan finally learned how to tie shoes in 6th grade. Thanks to the help of a family friend who was left-handed. Something as simple as being able to tie shoe laces was a major challenge for Ryan. We were just about to be unable to find him shoes to wear, so he mastered the art of doing his own shoe laces just in time! Whew!
Learn More
When Ryan was first diagnosed with Dysgraphia, there was very little information available about it. The Internet now has a wealth of information available that was not available when Ryan was little, click the button below for a list of resource links.
MIDDLE SCHOOL YEARS
Working memory may also play a role in Dysgraphia for many children. This was certainly true for Ryan. It is not uncommon for children with Dysgraphia to have difficulty with misplacing items, being disorganized, and they sometimes may need assistance in organizing short term informational items such as their schedule for the day. You may find a child with Dysgraphia re-confirming directions or asking more questions than other children as they are trying to orient themselves. Ryan really needed structure to follow. So his Mom would put his chore list on the refrigerator where he could check the box after doing each chore. His schedule for the day was posted on the refrigerator. Using a planner or calendar on the computer is essential. Provide your child the tools and hold them accountable for using them.
In class, when asked to talk about something they just read, a child with Dysgraphia may have great difficulty getting proper information back out when put on the spot. They are unable to process their thoughts. In these cases, a child with Dysgraphia may share something greatly out of context as a result. They do not want to look stupid in front of their peers, but at the same time they are not able to assemble their thoughts and put things into proper context. The child will share anything (and that is no exaggeration) that comes to mind so that they are a part of the group and not humiliated in the group setting. Some of Ryan's teachers can tell you that he often would espouse total nonsense in reply to a question when put on the spot. To the contrary, if it is something he has spent time on and he is familiar with the material, he would provide some interesting and thought provoking things to add to discussions. So it's not about intelligence - it is totally about organization of thoughts and being able to pull information from working memory.
Teachers should be mindful that a child with Dysgraphia will not do well in an interpretative setting that requires the child to “read and share” their interpretation of material within minutes. A child with Dysgraphia would need time with the material, and the time to assemble their thoughts about the material, before they could reasonably be expected to share intelligible information or their feelings about what they just read. Poetry tends to be very challenging for children with Dysgraphia. It is likely very hard for them to grasp something that is not concrete or direct.
People with Dysgraphia often have great difficulty memorizing information. No matter how much they study the material, the information is often hard for them to extract from their memory. Vocabulary lists and definitions tend to be very challenging. These types of products should be chunked and reduced to very short lists so that it is not overwhelming for a child with Dysgraphia. When having to read a novel, someone with Dysgraphia will likely do well on a quiz for a chapter they just read. If you wait a few days, the person may not be able to recall information that they read just a few days ago. And testing on a novel at the end, that covers everything that they read in the novel, is really tough for someone with Dysgraphia. Ryan would stress out and try to crash study the night before just trying to refresh and be able to recall information. In many ways, tests that cover total knowledge at the end of a section, where knowledge was built (like vocabulary or for a novel), are very unfair to administer to someone with Dysgraphia. They won't do well on it if they have working memory deficits. It doesn't mean that they didn't do the work or they don't know the material - it just means that it is hard to pull that information back out of their brain. Their memory filed it somewhere in there and the child is having trouble finding it.
Teachers may believe that they need to "micromanage" a child with Dysgraphia in order for them to be successful. It is a common mistake that teachers believe they are “teaching” the child skills on how to become organized with their school work, and instead they are frustrating the child with Dysgraphia. From the child’s viewpoint, having a teacher looking over your shoulder is a sign that they are somehow not smart or capable of doing their own schoolwork. Which is not the case for a child with Dysgraphia. Ryan would become incredibly frustrated to be interrupted in his resource class by the teacher, who was simply checking in because it kind of looks like he isn't doing anything. It is hard to recognize that mental processing is occuring. Ryan may finally have his thoughts organized and he is just getting started on actually working...but then the teacher interrupts him. It then takes him time to re-organize his thoughts again so he can resume working. That interruption would really bother Ryan. He didn't need help on how to do his work. He didn't need to learn skills to become organized. What he really needs more than anything else is MORE TIME to be able to do the work. So even though the teacher is just trying to do their job and is very well meaning, the interruption is tough for someone with Dysgraphia. It comes down to the teacher not understanding the disability and what the true needs are. As well as it is a struggle to get some teachers to honor the accommodations from the IEP.
It is very important for the middle school and high school aged child to be allowed the latitude to try to orient themselves. Aside from a general reminder of when assignments are due, children with Dysgraphia will more often than not possess the ability and desire to complete their own assignments without having a teacher driving the process. A child with Dysgraphia often displays a sense of competitiveness where they will go above and beyond in trying to prove their knowledge, and therefore will generally complete assignments to the best of their ability. It just may take them some additional time (a lot more than that of a normal peer) in order to produce the school work. Some children with Dysgraphia may work on their school work almost to an obsessive level trying to produce a “masterpiece” so that the work product will equal the work or even exceed what was submitted by their peers. The difference being that the normal child worked an hour and the child with Dysgraphia spent four to ten hours refining their work to reach the same level of a final product.
The impacts of Dysgraphia are not limited to the educational setting. People with Dysgraphia will have lifelong impacts in all segments of their daily life due to the memory and motor aspects of the condition.
Some of Ryan's more significant challenges in middle school:
We did not know that Ryan had physical issues to explain some of what we were seeing. The doctor, because Ryan was so tall, kept sending us for different tests for Marfan syndrome. Marfan syndrome is a genetic disorder that affects the body’s connective tissue. Connective tissue holds all the body’s cells, organs and tissue together. It also plays an important role in helping the body grow and develop properly. Ryan was always in the 97% or higher range for his age to height ratio for his entire childhood. He had several marker indicators for Marfan's - flat feet, a pronounced chest, tall, thin, long arms, long legs, and his teeth shifted right back, even after we did braces to correct. We kept having to go to the Cardiologist for EKG's and Ultrasounds of his heart, and to the Ophthalmologist for eye exams. He didn't have the heart and eye problems that are associated with Marfan's. But we would routinely be send back to repeat these tests...and they were really expensive tests. The doctor wouldn't sign Ryan's sports physical without having these tests done each year. We finally had to go see a genetics doctor to get a definitive..."He doesn't have Marfan's".
So the medical professionals never really came back around to - why is he so clumsy? He couldn't ride a bike. He couldn't use a jump rope. He couldn't run without tripping over his own feet. He couldn't catch a ball. He was so uncoordinated that bouncing a basketball was impossible. So at 13-14 years old, Ryan's Mom is asking their primary doctor these questions and instead of finding answers, they were being sent to all of these tests for something he didn't have. Unbeknownst to Ryan or his family, what his journey to play basketball did was like provide Occupational Therapy on steroids to help him overcome a problem that he didn't even know that he had yet - Dyspraxia. The repetition of trying to bounce the basketball, the repetition of practicing catching the ball with frequency (because of the amount of training he was doing), the running in track....these were all things that were helping to improve the Dyspraxia.
In middle school, Ryan was starting to feel the impact of more homework. In Colorado, his middle school had an established system to help limit homework. They had green and white alternating days. So certain class periods were on a green day and other classes were held on white days. On the class day, the core classes had more instruction time (the periods not held that day made up the additional time) and homework for that class only came home on the class day. Since the core classes rotated and the other classes rotated, it helped make things more manageable. The school flew a Green or White flag and published a calendar to let the kids know what day it was. When he moved to North Carolina, Ryan was overwhelmed by homework because every class seemed to send homework home every day. When you have homework in every class and you need to have extra time to complete it (compared to everyone else), you end up staying up late and not having free time on weekends. You do have to find the extra time somewhere. The amount of work though was excessive.
Ryan also struggled with trying to make friends at his new school in North Carolina. It's tough to change schools in the middle of 7th grade. It is even tougher when you have a disability. One of the great things was that our middle school in North Carolina was trying to help intervene and help. The Athletic Director got Ryan to play basketball at recess with the other kids. That is really what started Ryan's whole journey to overcome his motor skills impairment.
Ryan is also color blind and sees in monochromatic. That can cause issues because he may not be able to see enough contrast to even be able to play some sports/games (Badminton is a good example) or enough contrast to be able to see things in some pictures that are being used. Sometimes the background color in a picture or even the color of marker or chalk being used on a board can be an issue. When teachers want things color-coded, he has to have help in order to complete the task. This issue tends to sometimes be a flash point with some teachers as they either forget that he is color blind and/or they are not sensitive to it.
The scariest thing that happened in 8th grade was the day he had a last minute Track Meet. Ryan's parents thought he was at track practice, but instead was at an away meet. Apparently the track coach had sent and email, that was not received for whatever reason, and Ryan forgot to call to mention he had a schedule change. So when his Mom went to pick him up from track practice and couldn't find him or anyone who knew anything about the track team traveling to another school...she actually called the police. The thing to remember in this situation is that losing the train of thought is common for someone with Dysgraphia. Yes, his track coach had told all of the kids to be sure to call their parents and remind them about the last minute track meet. Ryan however, though no fault of his own, got to thinking about something else and simply forgot to call. Disorganization is a hallmark sign of Dysgraphia. You cannot rely upon a child with Dysgraphia to manage last minute changes to schedules or important information without a little help or a reminder. All is good that ends well. At least we found out where he was BEFORE the Amber Alert went out.
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HIGH SCHOOL
It's wasn't until High School that Ryan's family finally found out why Ryan was so clumsy as a child. We learned about the Dyspraxia and CPD. Dyspraxia is thought to be caused by a disorder in the brain's ability to send messages. It affects gross motor skills and one's ability to do movements in a smooth, coordinated way. CPD is actual damage to the brain in the area that controls information processing, sensory integration, and gross motor coordination functions. That information was like getting a huge gift - it explained so many things about Ryan and his experiences. If we had that information way back when, maybe Ryan would have gotten occupational therapy and other interventions when he was younger. Knowledge though is power.
Ryan has a hearing sensitivity. He is particularly troubled by fire alarms and other high pitched sounds. He tends to not tolerate shows where there is a PA and speakers being used. We have to be very cognisant of that whenever there is assemblies or shows. It is best to place Ryan where he is as far away from the speakers as possible. Ear plugs are also helpful. He did overcome the basketball buzzer and it no longer bothers him. We first noticed the hearing sensitivity when Ryan was three. He couldn't handle the sound of the automatic flusher on public toilets. Even at 5-6 years old, Ryan would be in such a rush to get out of the bathroom like he was trying to race to beat the flusher that his pants sometimes weren't all the way up. It turns out that this bathroom issue wasn't a behavior issue and there was a logical explanation for why Ryan was bothered.
Ryan has a startle reaction when someone comes up behind him unannounced when he is seated in the classroom. He is afraid of heights. He is fearful of people who are stern with him. This all comes from the CPD - they are all sensory integration issues and comes from an issue with his brain.
In high school, Ryan tended to have issues when it comes to group projects. It normally turns out that the others involved in the group do not do their fair share of the work and/or their expected parts of the project. Ryan has a lot of difficulty dealing with the fact that not everyone will have his same work ethic or drive to do well in school. Ryan then ends up doing more of the work because he doesn’t want to receive a bad grade on the project or assignment. This results in a lot of additional stress for Ryan. He shuts down whenever he starts to feel overwhelmed by a project and/or by the volume of work that he has to complete at one time.
Some of the key things we have learned for Ryan’s success:
· Providing ground for him to stand on with his peers
· Listening to him, adapting to his needs, and working with him
· Keeping assignments and projects manageable – understanding the significant amount of extra time involved for Ryan to complete the same thing as his peers
· Keep in mind that what may take a non-disabled peer an hour to complete – turns out to likely take Ryan 3-4 hours to complete the same assignment. And it is not just writing/language arts. He uses handwriting to put numbers down on math worksheets too. Anything in the educational setting that requires him to use his hands is going to take a little more time for him to be able to do it. Which includes using scissors, glueing, coloring, drawing, and anything else that requires a fine motor skill. His hands also cramp up when he does a lot with them, so he has to stop until it resolves.
· If the assignment is a project or something that takes planning for him to organize how he will do something – expect that the work product will take him even longer to complete as this disability not only involves his writing but also has a significant impact on his ability to organize his own thoughts, process information, and get started on how he will go about the project. A teacher may provide an outline of the elements for the project – his planning (what thoughts will match those elements) is a huge production and process for Ryan. It may look like Ryan is sitting there and not doing anything, but what he is trying to do is think through and plan the project out.
· It is very difficult for him to come up with ideas or where to get started with something. It takes him time to organize his thoughts.
· Finding alternative strategies for Ryan to prove his knowledge and mastery of course content. If given a choice of projects, Ryan will generally choose one that doesn’t involve writing and/or something that is not concrete (he avoids poetry and making short stories whenever possible).
· Patience – if you are patient with him and understanding when he may forget things or is asking you for additional instructions – you will both reap the benefits
· Understand that Ryan is still learning how to self-advocate and he does not have the skills to effectively deal with conflict yet. He is behind his peers substantially in this area. When there is conflict, in lieu of speaking up and advocating for himself Ryan will generally back down and back away. He mumbles as he is doing this, which is perceived by adults as attitude or that he is dissing them, but the reality is he is going through his thoughts and what he would say if he only had the courage to do so. Because of his past life experiences, he is terrified to challenge an adult and make his case. He likely has some good points to share as to why he can’t do something or why the teacher’s proposal doesn’t work – but he won’t engage in sharing if he doesn’t feel safe to do so. The very point that the teacher is the adult and in the power position influences how he feels. So if the adult is not open to listening – he will simply back away and mumble while he is doing it.
· Teachers need to understand that their class is not the only class that is sending home the homework or assigning projects. Ryan easily gets overwhelmed when he has a lot of work at one time. He falls behind because of the amount of additional time it will take him to complete the work. Teachers should really evaluate what the benefit of a project/assignment really is going to provide because the more assignments/projects that Ryan has to complete does tend to become an impediment for his ability to keep up on a daily basis within the class.
· One teacher made Ryan do a project where he had to cut and paste 42 vocabulary words and assemble a board game with them. Ryan used a Quizlet to type in the vocabulary words and definitions – which was both smart and efficient. But the amount of cutting and gluing to make the board and all of the game cards took Ryan several hours to complete. This is an example of a “busy” project that does little to prove the mastery of knowledge. So teachers please – really think about alternative things that are more within his ability and offer reasonableness in terms of the amount of time it will take. Sometimes there is no way he can do some of these physical tasks for the project without help because of the motor skills impairment.
Basketball – it is probably the most important thing in the world to Ryan. He has worked incredibly hard to overcome his motor deficits that come with his disability so he could learn how to play. A few years ago he couldn’t dribble a basketball at all, so it is remarkable to see how far he has come in a relatively short amount of time. He went from NO ABILITY to being qualified to attend college sponsored Elite Basketball Camps in less than 40 months time. Not all of his dribbling will be as pretty looking as other people’s skills, but the kid can play and his heart is so into the game.
Ryan has been very fortunate to have had some great coaches who have taken an interest in him and helped him in his player development and skills.
Ryan is a young man with a strong work ethic. He goes after everything he chooses to do in life with the same kind of dedication and pursuit of excellence. He is self motivated and does his homework on his own without any prompting. He finished his freshman year with a 3.875 GPA. His sophomore year was a 3.71 GPA. For a young man with a learning disability, it is amazing for him to achieve such good grades academically. It is his determination and the amount of hard work he is willing to put into his school work that explains the high GPA. He’s earned it by burning the midnight oil on many nights just trying to complete his homework assignments because unlike his peers – he really has to work hard in order to get the stuff done.
He has been incredibly dedicated with basketball training – on his own, at camps, with trainers, on an AAU team. He has kept going and has not been discouraged, even when people have said less than unkind things to him. Basketball is the one thing that gives this young man a sense of worth and purpose. It also helps him with gaining acceptance from his peers - that belonging as part of a team has been truly wonderful for this young man. Basketball is a time commitment – but it is just as important as his academics in terms of his overall development as a person. He has managed to do the impossible in overcoming significant motor skills impairment to be able to play competitive basketball. Now he is chasing his dream - to play basketball in college.
Ryan will generally do whatever is asked of him. He tends to do better with teachers that are willing to adapt to his needs – versus a teacher who is very heavy-handed and regimented in their classroom management. If a teacher inspires him, he will really put his all into the class. Several of Ryan’s past teachers have treated him as if he were being defiant to them or as if he were stupid, instead of acknowledging and understanding that he has a very real condition that is affecting his ability to be successful in the classroom. This is where a parent may have to advocate for the child. A large part of your child's success will be dependent upon having a good teacher and an open dialogue with that teacher. It makes a world of difference to have teachers that are willing to work in partnership with you and your child, to help in meeting your child's needs and setting them up for success. Ryan has been very fortunate to have had some great teachers in High School. A helpful suggestion is to send your child's teachers information about your child, their disability, their needs, and some suggested strategies at the beginning of the school year. Yes - the teachers should read their IEP, but that document doesn't always provide the best picture of your child.
Accommodations - there is no way Ryan can be successful without them. If your child has Dysgraphia or another similar disability, remember that you have rights. Your opinion matters in team decisions for your child's IEP. If you feel uncomfortable or unable to advocate for your child, engage an educational advocate to help you in those meetings. Ideally, you want to work in partnership with your educational team to help set your child up for success. But if you disagree with decisions or don't feel as though you are being listened to, know that there are resources available to help you. Many times, through having a constructive dialogue, you can work through those issues. You know your child and you see a more complete picture of your child. The school only sees your child at school. So your perspective is valuable and you have the right to have your perspective included in the educational decisions for your child.
If we had to go do it all over again, here is our Top things we would have done differently:
1. Realized earlier that we needed medical information. We should have pressed the doctor more for answers when Ryan was little.
2. We probably should have switched school districts sooner in elementary school and not allowed the bullying to go on for so long. If there was anything that really had a negative impact on Ryan it was the bullying. We had Ryan in therapy for most of elementary and middle school. A big thank you to Brooks Gibbs for his gifted ability to break down what bullying is in the most simplistic terms and actually give strategies for how a kid should handle that. Thanks to Brooks, Ryan is much more resilient.
3. Ryan would have done more to try to find a way to get to know his peers. We probably should have started therapy when he was younger to help reinforce social skills. See the program that Brooks Gibbs has on teaching social skills and how to deal with bullying on the Resources page.
4. Recognized and understood better when Ryan was displaying signs of stress. He simply would shut down when he gets stressed out. And there were a lot of real physical signs/symptoms of stress beyond headaches, stomach aches, and the usual stuff kids complain about. Ryan was suffering stress to where his blood pressure was actually elevated. If we had to go backwards, we (as parents) would have handled the stress-outs differently.
5. Embrace failure as a learning experience to reach improvement. Ryan struggled with that before basketball. Ryan would be very hard on himself when he was little. He would even hit himself in the head as he would be self-deprecating. Basketball really helped improve Ryan's mindset. Part of the mindset for a disabled child has to include an acceptance that they are "okay" - it is "okay" to be different and your own individual. Ryan's book talks a lot about his feelings and the processing of his feelings to get to that space and place of accepting that he is "okay" - he doesn't have to be like everyone else.
Having an older sibling with a physical disability inspired Ryan to go after his dreams. But having an older sibling that has a disability also gave Ryan someone who could understand. Ryan's older brother always lives life to his own drum, on his own terms, and to the fullest.
If you have a child with similar disabilities, we would encourage you to read Ryan's book.